Archive for the 'Technology' Category

Canuck grandparents want sex videos, iPods, and DS Lites

Friday, September 8th, 2006

grandpa_ipod.jpgAccording to a survey ran conjointly with Nintendo of Canada and Decima, Canadian grandparents are hip to trying to be adventurous in bed, listening to music on an MP3 player, and playing video games.

The survey was issued to measure “Canadian grandparents’ interest in traditionally younger generation activities.” Looks like video games, music and sex all belong to the younger crowd. Which goes to show how much I know.

The numbers went like this:

“[The survey] found that nearly half (46 per cent) would try more ‘adventurous intimacy with their partner’ if they knew how or could. About 40 per cent said they would listen to a portable MP3 player, and one in four would be interested in playing video games.”

Why does this kind of stuff remind me of those old Pepsi commercials where old folks instantly became hip by drinking soda?  Seems like we’re so obsessed about youth we won’t even leave our grandparents grow old gracefully without feeling the pressure of being part of current trends.
Via GoNintendo.

Why the iPod Shuffle sucks, part 4

Thursday, September 7th, 2006

ipodshuffle04.jpgReason Numéro Trois: Random resetting

In our last exciting episode, our hero (me) was assaulted by inexplicable playback interruptions while listening to music on his iPod Shuffle. Now he is faced with the dire Apple recommendation of resetting the playlist to be able to continue enjoying talented musical acts on his portable MP3 device. Will he do it? What grim outcome awaits his day of musical pleasure if he does?

Well, it is drastically simple, citizen. Resetting the playlist is the unavoidable consequence of both elucidations Apple proposes to decamp from the gelid clasp of a Shuffle crash, as I prelected in part the third. Therefore, if one resets the playlist, logically, one divests one’s lieu on the playlist, and then encounters a circumstance similar to what was outlined in part the second.

Let’s be frank: it isn’t so bad having to reset the playlist. After all, it just sends the playback position back to start, so all one has to do is skip over all the songs one just heard to get back to the place one was. Annoying, very annoying, but not the catastrophe which will bring upon the end times. Of course, if one had been listening to one’s Shuffle for four hours, the skipping process becomes rather tedious, unless one entertains the button mashing by concocting an old-school dance beat based on the meter and rhyme scheme of the words “blisters on your fingers.”

But the main problem with resetting the playlist is that it doesn’t always behave in the same fashion. Sometimes the playlist reset not only resets the playback position; it re-shuffles the entire playlist. That, my friends, is a major harsh on anyone’s mellow.

Lost is the simple luxury of skipping forward through one’s playlist to reclaim the place which was unjustly stripped away. Now one deals with an entire new order where songs which one has listened to intermix with those which have yet to grace one’s ears. It’s a baffling ordeal which compromises the relaxing possibilities of sitting back and letting the music play.

What does Apple have to say about that? “We’re not aware of that kind of problem,” the support people regurgitate from their cozy support centers. Therefore, it would appear that even the solution to the bug is buggy.

Oh, cruel irony.

Read the previous entires:

- Why the iPod Shuffle sucks, part 1
- Why the iPod Shuffle sucks, part 2
- Why the iPod Shuffle sucks, part 3

Grow your own mutant vegetables

Wednesday, September 6th, 2006

vegiforms.jpgAny person who knows me, even remotely, can readily assess to the fact that I have often wished, no, pined for the day I could find a zucchini that would smile at me all the time I was steaming it.

That day, my stars, has finally stumbled upon me, like a drunk indie rock babe who swore to me she could hold her liquor.  Ladies and gentlemen: the Vegiforms.

Nothing like the type of mutant vegetable that Monsanto proposes, the Vegiform is the latest innovation in the field of squash manipulation. Simply place the 1/8″ thick, clear plastic molds over a growing eggplant, melon, pumpkin, cucumber, zucchini or summer squash so it can grow into the casing and conform itself to the design. In a few weeks time, you will have yourself a pimped-out, one-of-a-kind veg to freak out astound your entourage.  Imagine an actual cornucopia of Garden Elf shaped melons gracing your favourite neighbour’s lawn, one dewey morning…!

Or cucumber that looks like corn on the cob!  Cucumber that LOOKS like CORN ON THE COB!! IT BOGGLES THE IMAGINATION!!!

Thanks to Lee Valley for making my life this much more complete.

Why the iPod Shuffle sucks, part three

Friday, August 25th, 2006

ipodshuffle03.jpgReason Numéro Trois: Pausing for nothing

The following email has enticed me to begin the third part of my five-part series on why the iPod Shuffle sucks differently than I had initially planned. The excellence of its timing is coupled only by how frighteningly relevant it is to my next point.

Hey,

Seems to me youre only complaining about the functionality of the ipod shuffle. How can it suck when youre just trying to get it to work but obviously can’t? Don’t come out here to bitch and whine about stuff that works which doesn’t work for you. I don’t know how you can complain about the interface when thousands of Ipod users agree that the interface is the best part of the ipod. Why did you buy it? You could have returned it, you know. Seems to me like this is just a ploy to get some easy hits. Loser.

Many thanks to AnonymousMailer@beHidden.com for the words.

Firstly, I would venture to say that the “thousands of iPod users” who collectively agree on the greatness of the device’s interface are raving about the standard iPod or Nano interface. There is no interface with the Shuffle; it’s just play, pause, skip next, skip previous, volume up, and volume down. There’s nothing great about it, it’s just about as basic as it can get. If people are indeed raving about that, they need to get out more.

Also, I didn’t buy it: it was a gift.

But my anonymous friend is right on one thing: my previous write-ups had mostly to do with the usability of the Shuffle which is something terribly subjective. Rest assured that usability is not the only issue I have with the device (albeit it being a rather substantial one). No, there’s also that little situation where my iPod Shuffle just stops playing.

Why the iPod Shuffle sucks, part two

Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006

ipodshuffle02.jpgReason Numéro Deux: Blindness

The marketing folks at Apple are an astute bunch. Seriously. Hey, when the iPod design team came up to them with the idea of the iPod Shuffle, they were struck with the problem of coming up with a slogan which would convey the idea that owning an MP3 player on constant random mode was a good idea. Not an easy sell. So they decided to dive into the collective consciousness of an entire generation-and-a-half and came up with three little questions:

“What will it play next? Can it read your mind? Can it read your moods?”

Anyone who has ever randomized a CD in his or her CD player has asked his or herself one of these whimsical, albeit pointless questions.

Why the iPod Shuffle sucks, part one

Friday, August 18th, 2006

ipodshuffle01.jpgOne year ago, yours truly switched banking institutions. As a thank-you gift, the bank gave me an iPod Shuffle. I was suprised and happy. I had been trying to find ways to save up enough to buy one for months, so this was a very welcomed and appreciated gift. Granted, it was the low-end iPod model and I woud have really preferred a hard drive model, but I finally had an MP3 player, one which would work itself perfectly into my Mac love and could entertain my daily commutes.

But now, one year later, I can say with confidence, disgruntlement, and poise that the Apple iPod Shuffle sucks.

I listen to music a lot. Quite a lot. My Shuffle has had quite a workout, easily playing tunes 4 to 6 hours a day, five days a week. However, the initial enchantment of its ease of use and wonderous integration with iTunes has since worn into regular reminders that I’m happy I didn’t have to shell out money for the thing. This is why I feel compelled to bring you the first of a five-part series which will express the individual reasons which have brought me to publically voice the end of the honeymoon between my Shuffle and I.

Reason Numéro Un: The DRM